Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
