Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
