Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
