I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
