are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
