Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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