wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
