if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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