I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
