Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize