Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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