Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
