They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
