Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
