I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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