Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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