I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
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his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
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Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.