Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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