I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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