I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
