My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
