when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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