I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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