My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
