After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
