you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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