she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
