Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
