Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
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Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
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His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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