just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
