oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
