So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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