He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
