No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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