Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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