I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
