Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
