I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
