And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
