she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
