he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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