I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
All the doctor said was why
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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