well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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