just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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