I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
No subtext here. People are naked.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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