If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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