im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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