I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
