I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
