I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
