you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
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Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
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Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
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