just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
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