1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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