Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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