Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
