Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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