If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
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