just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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