How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
