K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
