White coat. Heels.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
