I want to walk on stilts...naked
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I love you.
Bad choice
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
