Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
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