CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Randomize
