and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I said "one day" and that day is not today
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
