you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
True college students do jello shots in the library
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
